WOW…… just wow….. I am not sure what to say right at this moment.
I think I just now realised that I spend so much time in my life asking myself what everyone else wants that I have never truly ever considered what it is that I want.
It started as early as I can remember being more concerned with the needs of others then my own. I am at a point in my life where even going on a date I would rather ask where she wants to go as opposed to just planning it with my own thoughts and desires and having the confidence to believe that it will be perfect…
I believe that is why my DMP is so wishy-washy! I wrote something down but in all honesty it still doesn’t feel or even sound right coming out of my mouth when I read it.
It would probably be so much easier to ask someone else what they want as opposed to asking myself what I want.
There is no conflict in that………………..
I think there is only really one thing that I ever wanted to do that I accomplished and that was to work on an oil and gas service rig. I wanted to do that the moment I heard about the Alberta oil fields.
Soo I joined the military… makes sense right!!
That was my comment to Mark j’s blog from Oct 6, 2016 “Control Freaks”
I grew up In Nova Scotia, My Dad had a stroke when I was 4 My mom Had a stroke…. Not as severe but a stroke none the less, about 6 months? Maybe a year later after my father’s stroke. My siblings and I were shuttled from house to house for places to stay and to be cared for during the frequent Hospital stays and many days away from home that my parents endured. I believe that was when I conditioned myself to believe that other people’s problems, wants, dreams and desires were more important than my own. From then on I internalized everything keeping my feelings to myself and avoiding conflict with others.
I really truly feel that I focused on everyone else and I justified it by saying, ‘It makes me happy to make other people happy” which is true to a certain degree but when is it my turn? OOPS avoid conflict!!!!
In middle school or early high school I remember hearing about Oil and Gas in Alberta and speaking to a few friends about it who had lived in Alberta it burned into my brain as something I wanted to do. It is hard to explain, but at that Age living in Nova Scotia I dismissed the thought because after all how was I even supposed to get there?
After High School a few friends were Joining the military and when it came time for me to decide my path it made sense to me. I couldn’t really afford to go to college but the Military offered a free education in a trade and Paid you on top of that… why not!
8 months later I am off! Basic Training was one of the highlights of my life! It gave me a huge sense of accomplishment and self worth. Unfortunately that didn’t last. My chosen trade was as a technician on The Jets, again not my cup of tea, but I passed my trades training and I was about to get Posted. Oh it is important to note that I was in the top 3 of my class and as a result I would get first choice as to where I wanted to be posted to start my career. I could have gone anywhere in Canada!!!! One of the guys on the course with me Finished 4th or 5th in the class. He approached me and asked me not to pick his top choice as he really wanted to go there. He knew if I picked it he would not get to go. The funny thing is it didn’t matter because my mind was already made up for me long before he ever came to ask me. I Think I always knew I would be going to Cold Lake, Alberta ! I think Subby led me to this decision because 2 years later after arriving in Alberta for various reasons I was no longer a member of the Canadian Armed Forces.
I was on may way to work in the Alberta oil fields and I think I always Knew I would end up there and for 25 years that is where I have been.
I felt that was a very deep story about how my burning desire for something as simple as working in the oil and gas industry found a way to manifest itself into reality so many years later. Coincidance?
Since this Journey has started I am starting to question if all of those decisions led me to the reality that I so much wanted as a young Boy in Nova Scotia.
Moving along, I have come to the conclusion that all of my decisions however, have been based around the people I love and care about and what their needs, goals and desires are. I have spent my entire life putting my needs, goals and desires aside to do what I thought was right for everyone else, sometimes to the detriment of myself! I need to change that self defeating way by deciding what I need, What I want, What is right for me and only me! If I can get that right then everything in my life will fall into place and then I can be a better, stronger, happier version of myself (The Golden Buddah) The Better version of my self will then in turn be better suited to help the rest of my loved ones succeed at their goals, dreams and needs.